Growing up as an Asian American woman, I was constantly bombarded with the model minority myth – the idea that Asian Americans are universally successful, hard-working, and don’t face any real struggles. This toxic stereotype erases the very real challenges that Asian Americans face, including mental health issues like depression. For years, I struggled with depression alone, feeling like a failure for not living up to the myth of the perfect, accomplished Asian woman who has it all together.Depression was like living in a world devoid of passion and vibrancy. The joys and wonders of life that others seemed to bask in were imperceptible to me. It was an existence cloaked in shades of gray, where the vibrant hues of happiness, excitement, and fulfillment were mere faded memories. Every day felt like a monotonous routine, a repetitive cycle of going through the motions without any real purpose or meaning.The world around me continued to spin, with people laughing, loving, and living their lives to the fullest, but I was trapped in a dark void, unable to comprehend or partake in the richness of their experiences. It was as if a thick, impenetrable barrier separated me from the vibrant tapestry of life, leaving me to exist in a grayscale limbo.Hobbies and activities that once brought me joy now felt hollow and lifeless, like trying to appreciate a masterpiece through a frosted glass. The colors had faded, the textures had dulled, and the once-vibrant canvases of my life were reduced to monochromatic shadows of their former selves. In this grayscale existence, even the brightest moments were muted, and the darkest depths of despair felt like an all-consuming void, swallowing any remaining glimmers of hope or happiness. It was a constant struggle to find meaning or purpose, as the world around me seemed to lack the vibrancy and depth that others so effortlessly embraced.It was a constant battle against my own mind.<h3>The Harrowing Isolation of Cultural Expectations</h3>In many cultures and communities, there are ingrained expectations around how one should conduct themselves, especially when it comes to personal struggles or difficulties. The notion of maintaining a certain image or avoiding behaviors that could bring perceived shame or embarrassment to the family unit is deeply rooted.Discussing mental health issues like depression is often viewed as taboo or as airing private matters that should be kept within the confines of the home. There is a societal pressure to remain stoic, endure hardships without complaint, and avoid drawing attention to personal challenges that could be seen as a sign of weakness or lack of resilience.However, the irony lies in the fact that when individuals do find the courage to speak up about their mental health struggles, they are frequently met with dismissal, minimization, or even accusations of seeking attention or being overly dramatic. The very act of voicing one’s pain and seeking support can be perceived as a violation of the cultural norms that dictate a certain level of isolation and endurance.For me, while my family did not necessarily embody these societal pressures, I felt the weight of these cultural expectations bearing down on me. The fear of being labeled as attention-seeking or dramatic for acknowledging my depression was a constant source of anxiety and hesitation. It was as if I had to choose between honoring my cultural heritage and seeking the support I desperately needed for my mental well-being.<h3>Overcoming Trauma and Redefining Strength</h3>For years, I viewed my depression and the trauma that contributed to it as sources of weakness and shame. I internalized the idea that a strong Asian woman would simply “get over it” and move on. But through therapy, self-work, and surrounding myself with a supportive community, I’ve come to realize that true strength doesn’t come from bottling up emotions or pretending everything is fine. Strength is being vulnerable, facing your demons head-on, and refusing to let your struggles define you.I’ve learned that my depression and past traumas don’t make me weak or less worthy. They are simply parts of my journey that have shaped me into the strong, empathetic person I am today.<h3>Taking Control and Prioritizing Mental Health</h3>These days, I no longer let depression control my life or dictate my self-worth. While I still have difficult days, I’ve developed a toolkit of coping strategies, from therapy and exercise to self-care practices like hiking, creative writing, and surrounding myself with a supportive network.Most importantly, I’ve learned to be kinder and more compassionate with myself. I no longer berate myself for having mental health struggles or view them as personal failings. Instead, I see them as part of the human experience, and I treat myself with the same empathy I would offer a loved one going through a hard time.<h3>Breaking the Cycle for Asian Americans</h3>As an Asian American woman, sharing my story of depression and prioritizing mental health is an act of resistance against the model minority myth and the cultural stigma surrounding mental illness.I want other Asian Americans, especially women and girls, to know that they don’t have to grapple with their pain alone or mask their struggles. It’s okay to not be okay, and there is no shame in seeking the support you need, whether it’s therapy, medication, or simply having a safe space to be vulnerable.We are not weak for having mental health struggles. In fact, it takes immense courage and strength to face our darkness head-on and refuse to let them define us.So I share this with my Asian American community: You are not alone. Your struggles are valid, and your pain matters. Don’t let the model minority myth or cultural expectations stop you. Share your truth, seek the help you deserve, and know that your mental health is a priority worth fighting for.Together, we can break the cycle of suffering alone and build a world where Asian Americans and all people can prioritize their mental well-being without fear or shame.

Kim Chua

What it Feels Like: My Journey with Depression as an Asian American Woman

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What it Feels Like: My Journey with Depression as an Asian American Woman

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